Fire Out

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So I missed out the whole of January to blog anything at all. I’ve done shoots but somehow, they seemed to be in a haze. For the first time, I found myself in a state that I just didn’t have any motivation to start processing any images at all. I guessed the flu didn’t help.

At the moment, I’m at least three shoots behind with regards to the backlog. Yet I still could not find the motivation to do anything. It was very unfair to my team that I kept delaying these pictures, but I could not produce anything in my current state without feeling the need to tear everything up into pieces. Oh and yes, there is still a video waiting for me to be done. Orz

I have tons of ideas in my head that I wanted to do. I need the motivation to push it. And I need to stop caring too much on things I shouldn’t be caring.

This Little Bumpy Road

There was a point of time which I thought that I need to do as much as shoots as possible. Then I burnt myself out and got depressed, which often gave me awesome inspirations but I hardly get the motivation to make them work. Sometimes all it takes, is just to slow down and looked around. Do something else, look at other things and let your mind rest.

And sometimes, when you looked back at old pictures, you may discovered something you never did before. I don’t know where my eyes went when I was editing this series back then. How could I not see this image? Maybe because I didn’t have the eyes back then to realize the potential of this piece. Well I could never do this processing back then too. Not technical wise, but creative wise.

Photography: Shirley Zhong
Makeup/hair: Hadi VA
Model: Ani Alitalo / Upfront Models
Assistant: Chris Soo
Clothing Designer: Chiang Xiaojun

Shoots are coming up soon and trust me when I say I’m stressed beyond… whatever you can think of. But I know everything will be worth it at the end of the day. So now all I asked is for everything to go smoothly and yes please, GOOD WEATHER!

I came a long way.

I knew I was always a creative person since young, creating is what I do best. But I took the regular path and had regular jobs and well, attempted to just live like anyone else. Believing that creative could only be a hobby, I never attempted to go professional at all. But life decided to give me a huge twist, and made me realized that I could not go on without creating. Health issues forced me to quit my regular job. Since then, I stumbled and struggled on my road to survive as a creative person.

It is scary.

But it is also fun.

I stopped planning way too ahead, because when life decided I shouldn’t, it will take all it can to stop me and force me to go for alternatives. I plan on what I can see, and hope to see, yet stay flexible and spontaneous.

And that is how I am now.

Paint my World

Life has been, almost the same but there are some little differences here and there. My daily morning always starts with the dog, and ends with it. Because by the time I’m done with all the mandatory chores around the house, it will be noon then.

I’ve been hanging out lesser and lesser at the places I used to frequent daily for the past nine months. Not really sure if it was due to the fact that I’m becoming more busy than ever, or I’m just getting tired of it. I just hope it is not the latter. I do love the friends there.

Certain responsibilities have come to an end and now most of my weekends are free, like finally. I’m finally getting inspired again and have been planning some shoots in the near future, so I guess I’d have some new stuffs to play with very soon! Recently shot for a commercial client and I’m madly in love with the results. Can’t wait to post them up in my portfolio!

And I’m still the one who loves to take small details of something or somewhere, I need to do more of this.

The Big Three Oh

Okay so, erm, happy birthday to myself! I’ve survived another decade! I’ve never really feel like I’ve grown up or anything, feels just the same as… when I first graduated from Polytechnic I guess?

A lot of things happened, but most of those were kind of like, the current underneath the surface. You won’t really see them, or they’re not so in-your-face kind of obvious. But they do caused a lot of stirs in me.

But when I looked at things sometimes, I could understand a lot of things and reasons and whatever. I just wish I could deal with them better.

Conversation with the Sky

Been to Hong Kong and back, nice place for shopping, stylist paradise apparently, I so want to go back for more clothes!

Has been quite dead for the past month, feeling absolutely uninspired and demotivated for a lot of things. To the point that I couldn’t create? Now that’s a serious issue.

So I started distracting myself here and there. Then I discovered (finally?) Instagram. It’s highly addictive I assure you, if you’re one that loves to take pictures of everything around you.

I’ve also went back to writing. I missed those days so much. So I started creating fanvids of my favorite fandom, then went back to writing. I started off clumsy of course, since I have stopped for 5 years. But I think it is time for me to pick up where I left it. I don’t like unfinished stuffs, especially after I started it.

I think with my recent years experience, my writing has sort of changed. I honestly think I’ve been very childish in the way I write 5 years ago. I don’t know how my readers could have tolerated them. But I’m very, very grateful that they did, and had helped me in every way to improve my writing.

Though I write fanfictions, I write for fun. I am very biased when it comes to pairings of course, since it is now my kind of self indulgence, a small sanctuary for me to get away from the world for a while. Spend quality time with myself and myself only. This is probably the only thing I could create without any second or third party. It’s the same as drawing I guess.

Character voices, movements, environments, everything danced around freely without restraint in my mind, my world. I create without anything to hold me back. True freedom.

Love it.

I cannot live without it.

I’m so glad to be creating again. And no doubt in my mind, these little side projects will help to fuel my dried up mind for photography. Hopefully, fire up my motivation once again to keep running.

Because as Grace Coddington said.

You need to keep charging ahead, can’t stay behind.

Let the World Cut Me

O.M.G. Till I started playing with Instagram I didn’t realize how much I missed the random photo blogging I used to do in my other (now dead) blog.

I started it back then as a form of therapy for myself, to say things metaphorically, so to express how I felt about certain things, events, people etc.

I should start doing more of this from now on, seems like I’m going to need it alot.

I update like a mad person on my Instagram, if you’re interested in following me, search for saharasnow!